Uncontrollable Emotions
by ArcheryGirl1101
Summary: My take on how Castiel would react after learning Gabriel was murdered.


**A/N:** Short One Shot.

We never see Castiel's reaction to Gabriel dying in 5.18

Cas mentions mourning Balthazar after his faked Death so wouldn't he do the same for Gabriel?

I believe Cas and Gabriel had a strong bond despite everything that happened around them in Changing Channels so things may become a bit OOC, sorry.

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 **Uncontrollable Emotions:**

Castiel had been readying his army against Raphael once he felt it.

The fierce - literal - piercing stab of betrayal; Gabriel was dead by Lucifer's hand.

Angels were suppose to be deprived of all emotions, if they showed any true feelings it was rare. Somehow the blue-eyed Angel felt his entire vessel gone numb, an experience that had never happened before, Cas' shoulder sagged, he closed his eyes and found himself on Earth in the middle of Hotel Room of all places, Dean's voice had not spoken to him so his choice of location was purely random.

Memories flooded back to Castiel of when he was a Cherub and Gabriel cared for him from Dusk till Dawn. Each day, everyday. Until one night, Gabriel said one last 'Goodnight and sleep well' and the next morning had vanished. Castiel had never felt such retched loneliness in such a long time and wished for the feeling never it return.

Clenching his fists tight, throwing his neck back so hard he could have given Jimmy whiplash, he screamed back to Heaven, to Lucifer or anyone who could hear him. His grace shone through causing the entire building to shake. The entire room he placed himself in began glow and then tear itself apart from the inside out. Opening his eyes while his voice echoed through the deteriorating walls he began to physically strip them apart and break the room into pieces with his entire body weight, his Angel Blade was lost somewhere among the chaos. The distraught Angel imploded the furniture and even hurled his cellular contraption against the leftover wall, punching the mirrors - including the one perched in the bathroom after demolishing the porcelain tub - the shower curtain was now burning retreating ash - the sink and toilet, water was lamely spirting and draining into the shattered tiles beneath Castiel's feet - countless times until the glass was nothing but dust and his vessel's knuckles were rich with blood did he finally realise what he had done.

Losing control was something an Angel should never do, his entire body shook as he robotically looked around in his broken surroundings. His knees buckled beneath him, Cas did what Dean had described as vulnerable; cried. The Angel of Thursday shed tears for his big Brother.

Curling up then wrapping his wings around himself so no-one could see them he sobbed into the hours that passed.

Feeling as if he had passed out Castiel picked himself off the floor, his bleeding hands still shaking with rage and sorrow, this time from the damage inflicted around him, he heard the familiar ringing chirp of his phone instead of the Angel Radio. Dragging himself over to the mobile he was surprised the device hadn't broken - it's casing was dented while the screen was chipped with noticeable scratches instead.

Dean's "Caller ID" was flashing.

Clearing his throat he answered. "Hello, Dean"

"Cas, where are you?" Dean sounded worried beneath his calm demeanour.

"I'm not sure. Earth somewhere..." Cas' realised his voice sounded raw and was silent until he realised Dean was still on the phone "Why?"

"I'm outside. I've been trying to reach you for half an hour now. I heard you scream, Hell, I think the entire world did"

Cas remained quiet, long enough for Dean to almost start panicking.

"Cas? Cas, you there?"

"Yes, Dean"

"I'm coming in, OK? Don't shiv me with that Angel stick of yours"

Cas had wanted to tell Dean he didn't know where his Blade was but Dean stood where the door should have been. Cas hung up the phone, staring at Dean's emerald eyes with his puffy bloodshot cobalt ones. They stared each other down for an extended period of time until Cas felt Jimmy's body deflate further into the damaged carpet. Dean rushed to his side, kneeling down and holding him into a shoulder hug. Cas started to sob again wishing he could stop. Humanity got the better of him.

Dean tightened his hold, "I know, Cas. I know. It's OK" He rocked them side to side subtly.

"Gabriel... all he wanted was peace" Cas finally whispered out, exhausted from his ordeal.

"Well I think we should give him some then" Dean hoped Cas understood what he meant but the Angel's mind seemed elsewhere.

"Did I hurt anyone?" Cas was finally recovering from his outburst.

"No, but you did put on a light show, there was a call in about some sort of wicked, bright light emanating from inside an empty Hotel. Sammy and I weren't far from you" Dean reclined back though he was still kneeling in front of Cas, he patted Cas' shoulder hard "Come on, let's get outta here" Dean guided Cas up by lifting Cas' underarms, the Angel complied with no fuss, his focus was still completely wavered.

"We'll get Lucifer. That Son of a Bitch is getting what's coming to him, but first you need to regroup with yourself"

Cas nodded absently while Dean lead him to the Impala. One of Cas' arms was thrown over Dean's shoulders as they slowly approached the car.

The Angel was helped into the back seat. Cas found himself passing out only after a few minutes of hushed music being played and the Impala's engine purring in the background.

Gabriel was dead and once again Castiel endured the bitter cold isolation like all those years before.

Luckily he had two more Brothers willing to help him when it counted.

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 **Extra Note:** I had a different idea for the ending of this story, it's similar, it just didn't involve the phone call. Just Dean entering the room cautiously, picking up Castiel to his feet and taking him somewhere safe but I went with this instead.

Let me know what you think.


End file.
